Counting My Blessings and Celebrating Small Victories

"Smell the roses. Smell the coffee. Whatever it is that makes you happy." - Rita Moreno

Recovering from a mental disability means I need to surround myself with positivity and stay away from negativity. I realized that in order to do that, I need to make my goals easier to achieve. It doesn't mean I can't dream high anymore, rather I just need to take it easier, step-by-step. Celebrating small victories is very health for the mind. Let me share to you the simple things that I did for the past weeks that keep me happy.

1. I learned BlackPink's Kill This Love Dance Routine. Thanks to my cousin Meryll Francia who owns Maquillaje de Francia, she taught me the dance until the chorus part. KPop dance routines are hard to learn, so it was an achievement for me grasp it in just two rehearsal days. Learning it and dancing it five times a day energizes my mind and body.

2. I do collaborations with photographers. I have always loved doing photoshoots whether it be paid or free (but of course I prefer the paid ones lol). Ever since I discovered self-confidence, I channel it through posing infront of a camera. It's a form of art, and art is therapy, so I guess that's why I'm enjoying it. You can see my sample work here.

3. I am able to sing again! Two ways actually. First, my Church choir made a comeback and we serve every month or when we are needed for a funeral (sadly). Another is I discovered this app called WeSing and I do acoustic covers of my favorite songs. Singing is another form of art, so it relaxes my mind. Also, they say singing is twice praying, so I think that also helps keep my faith strong.

4. I have a really nice doctor. - Dra. Hanna Tarroja or UE Ramon Magsaysay happens to know my sister. She's a very youthful and sweet doctor as opposed to one doctor I met who was invalidating my emotions. I can share everything with Dra. Hanna and I can feel she sincerely wants me to get well soon.

5. My parents allow me to take time to heal. - And I'd rather not explain to protect their privacy. Anyway, the title says it all, and I am really thankful for them for that. :)

6. I am in a long-term God-centered relationship. - I cannot be more thankful for having Ronel in my life. I know it's hard to have a girlfriend who is mentally ill, with all the drama that will be involved in the relationship. Sometimes, I feel so guilty for all the sacrifice he has been doing ever since, but everytime I apologize, he just says "It's okay, don't mind me." even if I know he really isn't okay. I just really hope I can make it up to him one day, but as of the moment, I am really thankful for where we are now. We're turning 3 this December, and our favorite bonding is praying together. <3

7. I have two really adorable cats! I have two persian cats. One is a ginger garfield-faced Persian cat named Wishy who's already a year old, and I have a tuxedo persian cat named Hershey. They are both cute and sweet, and their snuggles really relax me!

Photo by A DLT

8. I am able to eat 3 times and day and sleep as long as 10 hours - And it's that long because I have nothing to do lol.

9. I still have a few but quality people who believe that I can still make it - Whether it be words from my closest friends, or an encouraging message from an acquaintance, every appreciation I get from a friend helps me to hold on to the hope of becoming better again and be able to do the things I love again.

It may be hard, but to protect myself, I decided to postpone my big dreams. Not that I'm giving up on them, but I just hope that they will still happen at the right time, when I'm completely ready.

My disability can be parallelized to a fatal disease, where everyday is a constant struggle to survive, and suicide is the ultimatum. So my priority is to get better and survive, and the things I enumerated above help me to do so. I am holding on to the hope that this struggle will end someday. Everyday is a constant effort to look at the light that shines through the window.

One day, I will still get there. But right now, I'll just relax and drink my cup of coffee... and try to be happy. :)


Photos by Sefistikado

Location: Whitewall Coffee

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