Here is one of those 2am or bathroom thoughts. Indeed, being stuck at home is very prone to a lot of overthinking. This was triggered by one simple Facebook post:
My birth name is Abby, and I've been called Abby for several years...until something really awful happened to my life that I just wanted to completely erase that part of my life. Changing my name was one step. I ended up being "Yna". And the two girls were completely different.
Who was Abby?
Abby is very kid-at-heart who is very thoughtful and sweet. She was this promdi girl who moved to the city. Despite being in a completely different place, she still managed to shine in her own way. She's chubby and charming. She's very talented too! She would always perform in school and do a lot of painting and drawing. Abby loves to show love to people. She would always lend a helping hand, would greet and hug everyone she sees. But behind being little-miss-sunshine is a dark story. But even if she's going through a lot, she will still greet you with her radiant smile and laugh at all your jokes. Abby is very innocent about life and it seemed like nothing could take away her smile.
...until she got bullied. She got bullied because she loved so hard.
She wanted to move forward so bad because it was the most heartbreaking part of her life. It broke her so bad, she wanted to forget everything. She switched schools. Stayed away from her old people, and introduced a new name to her new environment. She's now "Yna".
Who Is Yna
Yna studied in an all-girl-school thinking it's a much safer place for her. She's desperate to redeem herself, so she was a lot more confident version. Yna has an undeniably strong aura that she's often misinterpreted for being "mataray" or "always angry". Yna was also able to level up her physical appearance. After she lost a lot of weight and had her braces taken off, she bloomed. When she grew up, she became a lot more multihyphenated: a singer, a graphic design, video editing and tech geek, an entrepreneur, a fashion designer, a though leader. But the biggest difference would be that she is more guarded. She makes sure to love herself and accept herself more. And that's what led her to gaining quality people in her life. She had more true friends. She was an influencer in her own way. Now, Yna is someone people look up to: for being a "goal-getter" and for exuding confidence that no one can seem to take away.
But a part of me is still Abby...
I realized that no matter how dark matter how dark my past was, it can never be erased because it led me to who I am now. Just like the old saying, "Ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan ay di makakarating sa paroroonan". There are special instances that people still call me Abby, just like a few of my old trusted friends from grade school. My choir also calls me Abby because, even if I changed, I still seem to be more of an Abby when I'm with them.
Someone loved me for being Abby and Yna. He accepted me for who I was and who I am now, and I think that's really important. :)
So Who Am I?
I am Yna, with still a little bit of Abby.
Loves so hard, but loves herself too.
Serious in life, but still manages to laugh.
Loves to travel, loves life.
Change is inevitable. To always move forward is a must, but it's also important to look back to remain grounded. I may no longer need to change my name again, but for sure I'll still evolve as a person. I still have dreams to reach and a mission in life to accomplish. And I will still get better. :)
So for the people who loved me from Abby to Yna, thank you. You all have a special place in my heart. :) You can call me whatever you want, as long as you are able to accept me for who I am. <3