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My Last Go-See

Updated: Jan 25, 2020

Can I just share my experience with my last go-see.

Morning of January 15th I received an invitation to go to a go-see for a prestigious fashion brand in the Philippines. Knowing I'm already demotivated, at first, I didn't want to go, but I realized I will never know unless I try.

My body was a bit unprepared. I gained a bit of weight, and I felt a bit uglier than my "optimum self". More importantly, I already lost confidence in myself since my last casting where I encountered a really rude caster. Yet again, I pushed through because AGAIN, I will never know unless I try.

I arrived at the venue, and as I opened the door, I saw a sea of attractive, tall, skinny and experienced models. My insecurities heightened like a volcano suddenly erupting #relevance. Plus, there were around 30 people in the panel. I freaked out and went outside the room. Called my mom and my boyfriend that I wanted to back out. But something inside me stopped me from doing so. I remember the reason why I was in the industry: to be an example of the unconventional model - 5"2, kayumanggi, PWD. To represent those who are like me: dreamers.

I went inside the room again, inhaling and exhaling, trying not to be insecure. I conquered my fear, and faced the panel, hoping someone would see that something special inside of me. "Turn to your right, back, turn again, 3 fashion poses". I gave it all. I enjoyed the moment.

The bottomline: I'm happy I conquered my anxiety. It was one of the scariest scenarios I've exposed myself to. It took me years to master managing my disability. It was the ultimate reward that I got from such experience. ❤️ I might not get a modeling gig, but finishing the frightening go-see is already an accomplishment for me.


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