You might have noticed I've been posting makeup tutorials, song covers and etc almost everyday. That's cause it's my way of keeping myself sane. With all that's happening in the world, I'm constantly fighting my disorder (Bipolar) again.
I've been okay for months now since my doctor was able to find the right dosage to keep me stable. I was already stable, except for rare moments that I would get triggered. But ever since the Community Quarantine, I was back to experiencing cry spells, self-harm and thoughts of death. I couldn't even work properly no matter how favorable my working conditions are.
Painting would keep me relaxed, but I already ran out of canvas, that's why I'm using my face as my canvass instead. So I'm vlogging not because I'm trying to be an influencer, but because I want to distract myself and prevent my thoughts from getting into me. I admit that I may not be so good at it yet. Heck no one may even be watching my vlogs, but I continue because it's my way of trying to get rid of my anxieties...to alleviate the pain.
I miss my boyfriend, the one who keeps me going everyday. We are away from each other now due to the quarantine, and I don't know when I'm gonna see him again. </3
I'm already running out of my meds, so I have to be resourceful. I'm already worried that this quarantine would extend and I wouldn't be able to pay a visit to my doctor, or she may not be available on my supposedly next consultation.
But I know I'm not alone. So my heart goes to all the people fighting this battle in their own way. Whether it be vlogging, or tiktok, or whatever. I admire you guys for still fighting.
But there will come a day when I will run out of songs to sing, or makeup to use. I just hope that by then, everything is already okay so I won't need to film myself anymore. As much as I cry everyday, I am still holding on to the hope that this shall pass soon.
I'm am also holding on to our honorable frontliners who are fighting this for us. And I am worried for the underprivileged people who are more at risk of acquiring the virus. *Sigh* Although I'm disappointed by how everything is handled: not enough testing kits, not enough social distancing. I have so many thoughts about the situation, but I'd write a separate blog for it.
To the privileged, this may be boredom.
To the underprivileged, this is one step further to death.
To us with mental conditions, this is torture.
So I hope everything will be okay soon.
Anyway, if you haven't seen my vlogs, feel free to watch.
Or if you have spare time, subscribe to my YouTube channel.
Thank you for reading and have a nice day!
Wishing everyone well.